Being back on my anti-depressants has been marvelous. My anxiety over being around people has disappeared, and I'm now able to attend church {twice!} and family events. The biggest surprise has been how quickly all my self-critical thoughts vanished. To be honest, I was pretty sure that those were true, not a symptom of depression, and was pretty shocked to find myself looking in the mirror a few days after being on meds thinking, "Did I lose weight? I don't look so bad. What was I so upset about?" I've had a few side effects. The strangest: The first few days, I could feel anxiety just below the surface, but not strong enough to stop me from socializing. However, I'd find that all the tension would migrate to my jaw, and it felt like I was always fighting to keep my teeth from chattering.
Also, I've been a bit jittery and my thoughts keep flitting from subject to subject. It made it impossible to blog last week. I have about a dozen half-started posts that I couldn't focus long enough to finish. Here's a sampling:
- Do you shop with Clinton and Stacy in your head? I went dress shopping this week and kept hearing, "Dress the body you have, not the body you wish you had." and "When something doesn't fit, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with your body. It just means that particular item is clothing is wrong for your body. Try on something else." But my favorite bit of advice came from my mom: "When you feel the worst about your body is when it's time to spend the most on fabulous clothes."
- Baby R is so strong. He can hold his head up, look around, and stand while holding my fingers. We've let him try the excersaucer and can now get a few things done around the house with newly freed hands!
- After 6 years in this house, I feel like every door has a hole in it, every wall needs repairs and new paint, and all the baseboards are scuffed. It's time for some heavy-duty revamping.
- We've already started Christmas shopping. Ohmygoodness, I've turned into one of those people! What's worse, I feel like my kids have way too many toys. Wouldn't I be the meanest mom ever if I only got my kids books and clothes for Christmas?
Hopefully, this week my brain will settle into a more calm and focused place and I'll be able to blog more regularly. For now, I'm off to the gym. Baby R is almost 10 weeks, but I think he can pass for 12. :)
5 comments:
Love, love love your honesty. I've just started on medication as well and I really appreciate hearing a success story. There are too many scary ones on the internet.
And I definitely give my kids things clothes and books for Christmas. They get plenty of toys from other relatives and have too many already. We also try to take several in good condition and donate them, telling the kids that it's kind to share with people who don't have as much. It's a great way to bring the real Christmas spirit into our house. :)
I'm so glad that you are doing so much better! And the jaw thing is interesting. I noticed after a few weeks post-partum that I clenched my teeth almost all the time. I think it had a lot to do with the pain of nursing and all the nightmares I was having in that department, and also it was winter and rather cold. Still, every single time I thought about it I was clenching them and my dentist even asked me if I had been grinding or clenching my teeth a lot. Ugh. Now it's not a problem anymore, thankfully.
And I'm ready for more pictures of Baby R as soon as you put them up! :)
Excellent for you! Glad you're feeling good about yourself and your new perspective. I don't think you need any extra voices in your head when it comes to shopping. Your taste is impeccable on its own.
Fall is here with two other big holidays just down the road, so nice to read that you have turned a corner and are heading to the high ground. I can't believe baby R is 10 weeks old, time moves quickly with a wee babe in the house. My great grandmother had mental health issues, I often wonder what her life would have been like if she had had access to the medications we have today. I'm grateful that you are finding some success with your present medication, there is so much to be thankful for in 2010 as opposed to 1890.
Yes, I think of Clinton and Stacy all the time, but mostly I wonder how badly they would trash my wardrobe choices!
And here's our deal for Christmas - 3 gifts: something to read, something to wear, something to play. Because our kids also have too much!
Post a Comment