8.05.2009

Sleep

When depression creeps in, I find myself avoiding the harshness of the day by sleeping. I crave the numbness that sleep provides, and it becomes increasingly difficult to leave the dark, enveloping folds of my blankets come morning. But it's dangerous to give in to the lull of sleep. Not only do I neglect my children and my duties, sleep does nothing to break me from the grip of depression. It is a false and all too temporary reprieve. I know what truly works: Early morning running, healthy eating, lots of sunshine, and remembering to take my medicine. But it's awfully hard to remind myself off all that when the alarm goes off at 5 am and the softness of my bed invites me to ignore the world.

10 comments:

Christa Jeanne said...

Amen and amen! Thanks for that reminder - I've been indulging myself in snoozing instead of working out lately, and then I wonder why I'm sluggish and mopey? Duh! I love your blog, by the way. I've always been prone to depression, and it's good to see there are others who forge ahead with courage and a smile. Thanks for sharing! :)

The Dragonfly said...

In my post birth/newborn life these days, sleep is all I crave too. I know I need to start moving my body to help me feel better . . . thanks for the reminder.

Janae said...

Sleep...ahh, sleep. It's true, sleep can be a bad thing. But it always seems SO inviting!

I've been thinking about you...and now I'll be praying for you. Good luck through these hard times. I know that deep adversity can bring deep personal improvement, with a lot of help from the Savior.

Creole Wisdom said...

Thank you for always sharing so honestly.

Whenever I am having a really tough time, I do the same. It was awful during my first few weeks of college when I moved cross country and left my first love to attend Sarah Lawrence.

It was bad in the spring of my sophomore year of undegrad when said bf and I had an awful breakup and I had to move in the middle of a freezing MN winter.

My new schedule, although downright exhausting at times, allows me to live healthier. I cannot slip into 10 hour nights and 2-3hour naps like I did before.

I never heard another person say the same things about sleep that I felt until I read your post.

You know how some women eat when it gets difficult? or drink? I sleep, and it's not good, either.

Apis Melliflora said...

Agreed. Sleep is right up there.
Give yourself a serious pat on the back, though, for the 5 a.m. wake up time. Incredible discipline, M. Smile!

Nicole said...

I'm right there with you. In fact, I slept away the better part of July. I've never dealt with depression as severe as I'm currently experiencing, but I know that the healthy steps you suggested are key to recovery. Depression seems to be like a rubber band that stretches in and out with the circumstances of life, but the antidote is always the same (no matter how hard it is to face at the time)

TheSpanishLady said...
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LisAway said...

Here's a novel:

Just after we were married I got a job as a mother's helper for a woman with a two year old and 5 month old twins (all girls). She had been in a car accident and had serious back problems as well as depression. At first she went to physical therapy and got out every day and she handled things okay, but gradually she stopped and eventually spent all day, every day in her darkened bedroom. I'm almost crying just thinking about it.

After Evie was born (2 years later) I stopped working for them regularly, but we have remained very good friends. She got progressively worse, insomnia, serious weight gain from sleeping pills, and she hit a major low in her depression. All the while she knew she'd been promised the depression would be lifted. She knew it for the full seven years.

Now she has virtually no depression at all. She lost all her weight and has her life back. Anxiety had kept her from church almost the whole time and now she's in the young women. I seriously could not be happier.

(sorry this was sort of a downer, but I love reading about your battle and I think you're doing a wonderful job. Keep it up!!)

Kiki said...

I can tell from your blog that you are truly truly beautiful...I cannot wait until you post about feeling the love and beauty of yourself. Good for you for sticking to routines when you get down...it is the only way to get through :)

hukolb said...

I think at 5am I would be craving sleep, too:). But I do miss the freedom of exercising without the kids...Perhaps 5am is the only time I can get this in, well, when husband dear is back from away rotations:). Always an excuse!

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