A few months ago, some girlfriends and I read The Other Boleyn Girl for Book Club. Apparently, in that age women were put in 'confinement' during the latter part of pregnancy. Confinement consisted of a small dark room with a large bed. The woman was 'protected' from fresh air, too many people, and any strenuous tasks. At the time, we all agreed that it sounded like prison.

Now, I find myself longing for that prison.

Sure, the lack of air and sunlight would be soul-killing, but no responsibilities? No need to dress? To tend others? To go places and act normal, fulfill callings, do laundry, do anything? Oh, how I long for that!

On May 1st, I officially enter my 7th month of pregnancy and the dreaded 3rd trimester. The last trimester is when my body goes from 'looking pregnant' to 'circus freak'. My ribs start to ache so badly I can't sleep. My feet swell. My energy plummets {even more!}, and scariest of all, I go off of depression medication.

I'm scared to death of the 3rd trimester.

Part of me thinks I should accept the risks and stay on medication. Which I would do, if the risks were mine. But they're not. They're the baby's. And if he/she were born with preventable problems due to my medication, I would never forgive myself.

So instead, I fantasize about confinement.

It's as if my mind and body are saying, "Fine. I'll grow this baby. But that's all I'm going to do." I don't want to have a calling. I don't want to ever have to change out of pajamas. Or make dinner. Or feel any kind of obligations towards anyone or anything. Which is, of course, impossible when I have three small children, but still. It's tantalizing to think about.

Which I do.

All the time.



Kristina said...

That makes me itch just looking at it.
Although that's how I feel about my meds some days. :/


I'm just a stranger who loved your family's Christmas film, but your quiet courage tugs at my heart. I think about you every day and am going to beam all the strength to you I possibly can by way of prayer. Your sweet attitude is such a wonderful example.

Apis Melliflora said...

I'm wondering about your calling. Is it possible to be released and given something less taxing for you during the last trimester? I'm sure you've thought of that already....

Just Looking said...

So love the image you used! It makes me think of all those challenges they do on America's Top Model - I can just hear them saying, We're going to have you pose with a birdcage on your head and anchors tied around your feet! Own it! :)

And of course you know we feel for you; praying lots that Heavenly Father will give your mind and heart peace. Stillluvnulotsnlots.

hessfam said...

First off just let me say----you look AMAZING....and are one of those girls that will look still amazing at nine months..so just SSHHHH....you are beautiful. I guess I never thought of the confinement from that book in that way...somedays I wish for no responsiblities too. I think we probably all do from time to time, but a song comes to my head. Actually 2 country songs..Your going to miss this your going to want this back your going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, and this won't last for long soon they'll all be grown and gone...anyway I don;t know the name of these songs but they are good to listen too when the kids are being crazy. Here is to the last trimester.

Stacy said...

I am not sure exactly what anti-depressant you are taking, but many are safe during the third trimester. I know Zoloft is.

There is a very small risk the baby will have a withdrawal syndrome, but this is temporary, with no long term lasting affects. The baby is very unlikely to have any defects or effects from Zoloft, and the 3rd trimester is the least likely trimester to cause long term proplems to baby. It might be worth discussing with your doctor the detail again.

Good Luck no matter what you decide!


Just Looking said...

As her mom, I would love to tell her to just stay on the medication, too, but here is a portion of what studies on Zoloft (sertaline) actually say, for those of you who are trying to weigh the pros and cons:

Nystagmus has been observed in the newborn of a mother who had been taking sertraline 50 mg daily for the two weeks preceding delivery. The nystagmus resolved by 72 hours postpartum [10].

As previously mentioned, Chambers CD, et. al. found infants who had been exposed to sertraline during the third trimester were more likely than controls to have neonatal transition difficulties and more likely to be admitted to a special care nursery [3].

One case report described "...agitation, restlessness, poor feeding, constant crying, insomnia and enhanced startle reaction." after abrupt cessation of breast feeding in an infant whose mother had been taking the maximum recommended daily dose of 200 mg daily [1] throughout most of her pregnancy and during lactation. Symptoms were persistent for 48 hours and subsided over next few days [11].

In contrast to the above case report, Hendrick V et. al. did not observe symptoms suggesting neonatal withdrawal in 11 infants after prenatal exposure to sertraline at doses of 25 to 150 mg per day [2].

as found at: http://www.obfocus.com/reference/Formulary/Drugs%20in%20Pregnancy/Sertraline.htm

Stephanie said...

If it makes you feel any better, my sister stayed on her meds throughout all 3 pregnancies and her babies were perfectly healthy. Doctor thought the pros way outweighed the cons. Hang in there - - let the countdown begin!!

MelancholySmile said...

The symptom my doctor seemed most concerned about was hypertension, or PPHN. Babies who were exposed to Zoloft during the 3rd trimester, which is when the lungs and heart do a lot of developing, can develop very high blood pressure, which is treatable but obviously not something I want to subject him/her to. And then there's the unknown: there just haven't been a lot of studies following children who were born exposed to depression meds, so not a lot of info is out there on possible affects years down the road. It all just makes me nervous...

Stacy said...

Melancholy's Mom: This is what I saw as well, 'neonatal transition difficulties' as a possible outcome, but this is temporary, 3 days, no evidence of long term issues.

Melancholy: Do you mean long term hypertension? I have spoken to doctors and they have never mentioned this. Did you see a study on this? I am more concerned with outcome of 3rd trimester depression actually, not only on new baby but existing children. It is all risk/benefit ratio, and I thought I'd never stay on meds myself, but given the information on zoloft for at least 20-30 years, I am now comfortable with the risk.

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