9.30.2010

Guess who isn't coming to dinner...

This morning I found this image of a burned out, abandoned house covered in snow...... made out of Legos. Yeah, it's amazing. {see more photos of Mike's work here} It reminded me that there is beauty everywhere and in everything, a message I needed to hear today.

Yesterday, I took the kids to Target. We have a dinner with extended family this weekend due to Conference, and it will be the first time I've really seen people since having the baby. It's one of those events that I can't avoid, but simply thinking about going makes me anxious and weepy. I figured that having something new to wear might help.

"What do you think of this?" I asked Little Miss C, holding up a wrap dress from the clearance rack. She looked from the dress to me, then made a face that clearly conveyed skepticism.

"You still look like you're going to have a baby," she said, as if surprised I was considering wearing 'regular' clothes.

We had to leave the store before I burst into tears.

When she saw she'd hurt my feelings, she tried to apologize, "I'm sorry that I said that out loud!"

{Um, obviously, that didn't help much.}

It's strange: I remember being about her age when I said something that hurt my mom's feelings. I remember the look on her face and being so surprised that it was even possible to hurt her. After all, adults are supposed to be above all that, right? So as we fled the store, I kept telling myself to be above all of it. But it still hurt, because she was just echoing my own thoughts. Only, I had hoped that I was just being hard on myself, that it wasn't that bad.

Anyway, there's beauty in everything, blah blah blah.

I'm so not going to dinner.

4 comments:

LisAway said...

Oh dear. I'm sorry! I recently had a sort of similar experience. I always ask Evie's advice about clothes. I tried on a pair of skinny jeans (like all the way tight ones) and felt pretty good in them. Evie was there with her friends and was so excited that I even tried those pants on. When she was a little way away from her friends I asked if the pants looked okay from the back or if they make my rear look too big. She said, "It just looks normal, which, for you, means too big." She was just kidding like we always do, but she was acting a little different because her friends were there and I almost got hurt/offended. I just told her I'd come back with her when her friends weren't around or something. Anyway, it was awkward and made me a little sad. (and I DO know that I'm not all that small back there, but still. . .)

hukolb said...

So after Chloe I realized my body may never be the same again and I looked pregnant for a while after...much longer than the other two! It was so depressing when someone from our ward still thought I was pregnant, then a woman told me not to bed as I was still 'pregnant". Yes, it just echoed my own feelins inside so it was hard to handle...good luck. I still think you can go to dinner, I really wore maternity for like 4 mos and by then it really didn't bother me, amazingly!Though I can't tell you how happy I am to finally fit into 'some' of my regular clothes again!

merelyLooking said...

Migosh, I didn't realise the *snow* was made out of legoes, too! I thought he sprinkled powdered sugar on it! What an awesome creation - and look at the time frame - end of July ordering legoes, mid-September his masterpiece is done - and it sounds like this is his first production? I'm feeling more and more inadequate.

I don't remember you ever hurting my feelings, honest. One good thing about being lousy and blogs and diaries! :)

merelyLooking said...

Umm, that's supposed to be "lousy at blogs and diaries". And apparently typing too :)

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