1.23.2013

Happiness vs Meaning




There is such an emphasis on happiness in our culture. We're told to choose to be happy, to only be with people that make us happy, to only pursue things that will give us happiness and that if we are not constantly happy, we are robbing ourselves of something we deserve. Whether I've known it or not, this sense of self-entitled happiness has influenced the way I've judged my own life choices, feeling guarded and self-conscious of them especially since many of my said choices seem contrary to the pursuit of happiness.

Is it possible to do something you feel is RIGHT even if the pain it brings you makes it look WRONG? Is it possible to feel at peace with a decision that seems weak and masochistic from the outside? Is it possible to feel secure in a choice even while acknowledging how difficult the resulting pain is? Could it be that life is about more then mere happiness?

I read this article this weekend and J and I ended up discussing it at length. It talks about Viktor Frankel, a psychiatrist from Vienna who lived through the holocaust and counseled suicidal fellow inmates in his concentration camp. Upon his release, he wrote "Man's Search for Meaning" which posits that having meaning in life is greater than being happy. That it gives value to suffering and transcends circumstances. The article points out that meaning often involves self sacrifice and requires a long-term view.

For example, studies have shown that having children dramatically lowers one's level of personal happiness. Parents have higher levels of stress, less money, sleep, and leisure time than their childless counterparts. And yet people with children report high levels of joy, satisfaction, and meaning in their roles as parents. In this case, meaning trumps happiness.

I believe that the soul recognizes truth when it sees it, and this article spoke to my soul. Meaning-- the belief that there is something larger than ourselves at work-- calms all of those questions of "why?" that haunt me in the dark of the night (or after i foolishly watch the evening news).

I believe that I came to this mortal existence with the goal of coming out of the experience having become a certain type of person. A humble person. A faithful person. A generous and loving person. That isn't to say I can't be happy along the way, but it only makes sense that the larger purpose will require hardships in order for me to change. I think the challenge is always to let go of my desire for personal happiness and keep my eye on the meaning behind the hard things.

It's only then that I can give up happiness and embrace peace and joy.

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12 comments:

Allison said...

I agree. Happiness requires selfishness at times. Meaning requires sacrifice.

Having children was the example that leapt to my mind as well. Did childbirth hurt? Yes, mam. Do I have days where I look at my life and think "what have I done?" You bet. But I would never, ever want to give it up because it makes me a better person. Anything worth having is worth fighting for (and with).

Brianne said...

Thank you so much for writing this. I needed to hear this as I am in the midst of mothering 3 small children, two of whom are sick right now. Thanks for reminding me of what is important!!

The Queen Vee said...

Excellent post Melancholy.

Miggy said...

Yes!!

Not only that, but to take it a step further (or maybe just different wording...I don't know) I sometimes think people also avoid pain to their own detriment. And I think we've become so conditioned to think we're always supposed to be feeling happy, that people think they've made some huge mistakes or at the very least aren't handling their trials very well if they feel saddness/pain. I don't think we're supposed to avoid pain at all costs...and in many cases avoiding pain (self-medicating, avoiding reality) causes even more problems.

Good thoughts lady.

Crys said...

Such a beautiful thing and so how I have been feeling lately.

The San Diego Mills said...

I am a frequent reader and infrequent commenter on your blog, but I really liked your insights. I think what you say is the truth. I try like crazy to avoid fighting with my husband, because I HATE confrontational situations. However, whenever we have a fight I almost always come out of it feeling better about our relationship. Like it's been tested and strengthened because of the fight. It's kind of like cleaning out out a closet, it has to get worse before it can get better.

Apis Melliflora said...

I love when happiness and meaning coincide most of all. Also, there's Jane Kenyon's wonderful poem "Happiness": http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/28400

HLC said...

This is excellent, Melancholy. I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you, again, for your honest and raw writing.

Nicole said...

So much in life depends on this mind set, thanks for putting it into words for me today!

agoldie said...

Thank you for this post!

Pinspot said...

Hi there, I'm the Queen Vee's daughter-in-law. She directed me to this post after a discussion we had on a similar topic. My soul recognizes the truth of your words. Thank you for sharing your view.

torrie said...

have you heard of this (christian) book?

Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy

just thought i'd recommend it as reading material. i obviously know nothing of the details of what you were/are going through, but thought i'd share it in case it helps.

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